White coat. Heels.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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