It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
