the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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