just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
