i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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