I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
