Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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