Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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