he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
