It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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