Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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