I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
