I think i sorta joined a cult last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
