wat bout pragnant strippers??
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
