After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
