just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
