you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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