I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my poor anus
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
