It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
