Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
