I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
a search helicopter?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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