so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
