her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
