i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
