you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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