There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
