I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
