So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
