I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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