I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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