Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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