so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
