So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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