I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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