Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
