i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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