Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
