How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
