i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
