I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
