My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
