I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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