i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
