he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
