Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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