worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
