I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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