i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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