she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
