im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
