You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
