brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
