My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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