I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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