On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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