Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
