I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
