The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
no. you can't hotbox the world.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
