i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
