Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
